Momming is hard

If I've neglected this blog, it's with good reason. Did I mention I had a baby?


Little Mara was born Oct. 22, 2015 at 12:43 pm, 8 lbs., 9 oz. She's almost 3 months old now and is a squishy little bundle of cute.

To answer the usual questions:

  1. Yes, labor was hard, despite having an epidural, being induced after 2 days walking around with a ruptured water, less than 3 hours of real contractions or pain, and only 1.25 hours of pushing. Relatively short and easy and uncomplicated, but definitely the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. No, I have not forgotten the pain—to all the people who say you'll forget everything once the baby is in your arms, I say LIARS, ALL OF YOU.
  2. Yes, the baby does actually sleep quite well now at 12+ weeks. She's been doing a solid 5-8 hours at night before stirring. Most of the time, I'm the one who wakes her up to eat because, despite my tiredness, boob pain demands baby eats or I explode. Overall, Mara's a pretty chill baby, for which I am eternally thankful.
  3. I'm on mat leave until November. Hubby got 2 weeks off right after the birth. But I've got lots of family support.

I think I called my mom and apologized for being alive and told her I love her after the first week home from the hospital. Jeebus, momming is hard. I mean, Mara's adorable and easygoing for the most part. Aside from the usual first-time hiccups with breastfeeding and such, I've had a relative easy go of it. But MAN, dealing with the inner fears, guilt, need to do better, do more, on top of still trying to get basic chores, personal hygiene and writing done is really difficult. I'm lucky I have so much family and help nearby. I can't imagine being completely on my own.

The thing about writing is that I need a lot of mental leg space to trot out ideas, test dialog, and just generally BE. With a baby, or frankly anything that requires me to utilize my right brain (or is it my left brain? I've no idea anymore, it's all baby brain...), that space shrinks down A LOT. This post took me two days to write over several hours split up while baby was napping. And if you're a SYWTBAW follower, you know it takes at least 20 minutes to really get in the writing groove.

Baby brain is expected, and so are many other post-partum symptoms. I just didn't expect to have to deal with so many of them at once. No one ever tells you about the cramps, nausea, deep-seated hunger and nipple pain that comes with breastfeeding, or about all the other wonders that go along with breastfeeding, like jets of milk hitting the baby in the eye, or that agonizing pain that feels like Iron Man has grabbed your boob and electrified it, and not in the sexy way. No one mentioned severe carpal tunnel turning into De Quervain's. No one said I'd get plantar fasciitis after delivery, either. Or that I'd need to go to the eye doctor again because being with baby narrows your field of vision because you're watching her all the time, straining your eyes and making your head all wonky.

Of course, I don't regret having her. I just wish my body weren't so broken.

In other news:

  1. Basement renos are FINALLY finished. Contractors started a full dig out, underpinning and finishing back when I was about 6 months pregnant, with hopes of finishing just after the delivery. It went over that, of course, but I didn't mind. For one, there were always workmen around. My regular reminders that I could pop at any minute and that I might need a drive to the hospital probably sped things along. They completed work just before Christmas. As a contractor's granddaughter, Mara slept through everything like a champ. Literally, she slept through a jackhammer. The end product is fantastic, and now Mara has an extra place to play. PLUS there's now a second bathroom in the house. No more emergency evacuations while hubby is showering!
  2. My fifth book is out! RED CARPET ARRANGEMENT is available as an ebook at all your favorite online retailers, and in print from Amazon,, and Check out my Books page for more details. It's my first pregnancy book, and I turned it in when I was 6 months along, so it'll be interesting to see what I got wrong in comparison to my own experience.
  3. I've got one more Harlequin SUPERROMANCE coming, but after that, I'm hoping to work on other projects. Maybe I'll even get to do more blogging...but that'll be up to Mara.



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